Some of you may be aware of a set of rules which governs how men interact with other men. It is known most commonly as the "Bro Code". Most of the rules are written only in the DNA on the "Y" chromosome, but there have been compilations recorded in a few places on the internet.
For any female readers out there who may be curious about what kind of rules are in the Bro Code, I'll share a few examples. But before I do, I must state that no man expects you to understand these rules, and you should not expect him to explain - or defend them. Right or wrong, they are in his DNA. He can no more explain/defend the Bro Code, than he can explain/defend the color of his eyes or his naturally masculine physique.
"Bros Before Hoes". I know some find the verbology of this ruel to be crude, but remember, this is translated directly from our DNA with no "politically correct" filter involved. This is the number one rule on which most other rules depend. This rule basically means that if a man's girlfriend (or her interests) conflict with those of his best friend's, he should always go with his friend's. (The reasoning being that girfriends come and go, but you have your bros forever).
"Buffer Urinal". Also known as ICUP, or International Choice of Urinal Protocol. There is a pretty deep and entertaining examination of this here. The quick explanation is simply that there should always be a buffer urinal between two guys going to the bathroom. There is no reason for two guys to pee next to each other if there are empty urinals to separate them.
Other rules govern when it's OK to cheat in a game (if there is no money involved), when it's OK to smack talk or badmouth a friends favorite sports team, etc.
The reason I bring up the Bro Code, it that things change once you get married. As I said before, Most of the Bro Code governs the interaction of male friends, with the number one guiding principle being "bros before hoes". Obviously marriage changes this. Now that rule - the base rule- get overruled by the new rule: "Whatever makes your wife Happy".
We love our wives, and we want them to be happy for two reasons: We just want them to be happy because we love them, and when they are happy, we are happy.
Among married men, this new rule is understood. Gone are the days when you would go hang out with the guys rather than sit at home watching a romantic comedy with your girl. None of your married friends will tease you (much) when you have to watch the kids while your wife has a "girls night out".
We live with it. We accept it. We take it like men. After all, most of the stuff we do to make our wives happy is kept private, so none of the guys know the girly details. At least, thats how it was until recently, which brings me to my apology.
With the growing popularity of blogging, nothing is kept private anymore. Everything a man does for his wife is shared with the world. Every man can see how far his friend has been emasculated. It is not for this humiliating exposure that I apologize. After all, we all know to what extent we go to make our wives happy, and can infer that other men are doing likewise.
The apology is for the fact that other men's wives see what we have done.
One man has flowers delivered each hour to his wife on the day of their anniversary, the number of flowers increasing incrementally until the number of flowers equals the number of years they have been married.
Another man surprises his wife randomly by watching the kids while he sends her to the spa.
Another throws a huge surprise party for her birthday.
In each case, somewhere, another man's wife reads about it on a blog and says to her husband,
"Why don't you ever do things like that for me?"
For this I apologize to all married men, on behalf of all married men. I also accept the apology on behalf of all men. We know it's not your fault.
I should tell you that this apology comes about from something a friend said to me. To protect him, I will keep his identity a secret. He did a grand thing for the sake of his wife's happiness. When My wife complimented him for it, he stated to me - in front of my wife - that I don't need to do what he did, just because he did it. Even though he was doing it because some other guy had done it before him.
With that in mind, I suggest that we men continue with our lives knowing that we may have to do things for our wife simply because other men have done it first. And to help each other out, try not to "one-up" the other guy. And occasionally, within earshot of your buddy's wife, excuse him from having to match your feats.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Me vs. Nature
Mother Nature and I have been in battle lately. She generally kicks my butt then laughs at me, but sometimes I get to laugh back.
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed some mounds of dirt appearing in my back yard. I examined a couple and couldn't see any holes nearby, so I spread the dirt out and ignored them. A few days later there were half a dozen new mounds. After a bit of internetting, I concluded that we had a gopher. No big deal. I came across the best method of ridding my yard. The Macabee Gopher trap! Mia and I watch a video on youtube about how to set it. You have to stick a long screwdriver down in the ground near a mound until you find a hollow - this is the main tunnel. Then you dig a hole down to the tunnel and place 2 traps - one facing each direction - inside. Next you push an irrigation flag into the ground to mark the location and secure the trap - just in case. Lastly you cover the hole back up and wait.
A Macabee Gopher trap is a nasty device. Imagine those jaw-like bear traps you see in cartoons. Th ones where you pry the jaws open and then when you sniff around on the ground trying to find Bugs Bunny, the jaw slams shut on your nose. Well this is like that - but miniature. Instead of jaws of teeth, you have a couple of sharpened spikes that pierce the chest cavity of the gopher.
The morning after I set the trap. I went out to check it. To my surprise, I found one tripped trap four feet from the hole on the surface of the ground with the irrigation flag still connected to it. The hole where it had been set was now completely packed closed by the gopher. I had thoughts of the Cadyshack gopher laughing at me as I pondered the need of C-4 to finish this guy off.
All I could do was wait for a new mound to appear and try the process all over again.
Nature: win Me: lose
But more than 2 weeks has passed and no new mounds. On closer inspection of the trap, I found some fur on the spikes, so the trap must have got him to some degree. i figure either he died back in his hole, or I scared him off.
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
The next thing is birds. I like birds. Not as pets, but I like pretty birds flying around my yard. I like it when there is a nest in my tree. The kids like that too. I thought it would be fun if we encouraged the birds, so we built a birdhouse and put it on our tree in the back yard. We also bought a hummingbird feeder.
Months have gone by and no bird is interested in our birdhouse or bird feeder.
I walked out the front door this week to go to work, and noticed a dozen beautiful birds flitting around near our entrance. They were chirping pretty songs as they flew up under the eaves then out again. I could tell they were building a nest. How exciting! The kids will love this!
Nature: win Me: win
I told Val about it a few days later (the birds were there every time I went outside), because she uses the garage rather than the front door. I took her out to see the birds and the nests. To my surprise, the nest wasn't your regular, round, made-out-of-grass, nest. It was made of mud.
No big deal. It is hidden up under the eaves, so you can't see it. And the birds are really neat to watch and listen too. We left for our camping trip for a couple of days. When we came home, we were greeted by not one nest, but six. And the beginnings of new nests all along the eaves in front of the garage.
Nature: win Me: lose (revised)
I did some internetting again to find that the birds are cliff swallows. Some more digging turned up that they are migratory birds and therefore, protected. It is illegal to knock down their nests once they are built - until they fly south for the winter. The best we can doo is be vigilant about instantly cleaning off the first bits of mud to prevent new nests from forming.
Nature: win x 2 Me: lose (revised again)
Most recently we went camping. What a trip. You can read more about the trip at our family blog, but I want to highlight a couple of things.
Fire.
It's easy to light a fire. Accidental fires happen all the time. We were planning on having a camp fire, so when we had our tree removed (a fruitless mulberry), we asked to keep a couple of logs for firewood. He left us 3 half-logs that were about a foot in radius and 18" tall. I had to cut into firewood sized pieces. I let the logs dry for about a month and then I used my tiny electric chainsaw - meant for cutting limbs no larger than 4" diameter. After an hour I cut most of it apart - and completely dulled my blade.
We packed the firewood (and a couple of scrap 2x4s for kindling) and headed off on our trip. At camp, I struggled for a hour to light the fire. The newspaper burned, the 2x4s burned, I burned my hand, but the firewood wouldn't burn.
Nature: win Me: lose
Good thing we also brought some charcoal and a charcoal chimney. I set that up and within minutes had some nice coals going. I dumped them into the fire and and the persistent heat finally caught the firewood on fire - kind of. It really just smoldered without flames, but the shape made for a great oven and we were able to cook our foil dinners.
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
The next night. I tried to start the fire again. After some struggle, I gave up.
Nature: win Me: forfeit (revised again)
The last thing is a hammock. Joe gave me a hammock when he came home from his mission. I take it camping every time I go. At our site, I just needed to find 2 suitable trees.
Nature: win Me: lose
This wouldn't do. If only I could find some bigger trees.
Hah! I got it!
Next time I camp in a redwood forest, i need to remember to bring a lot more rope!
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
Final Score:
Nature: 3 Me: 2
But it ain't over yet!
A couple of weeks ago, I noticed some mounds of dirt appearing in my back yard. I examined a couple and couldn't see any holes nearby, so I spread the dirt out and ignored them. A few days later there were half a dozen new mounds. After a bit of internetting, I concluded that we had a gopher. No big deal. I came across the best method of ridding my yard. The Macabee Gopher trap! Mia and I watch a video on youtube about how to set it. You have to stick a long screwdriver down in the ground near a mound until you find a hollow - this is the main tunnel. Then you dig a hole down to the tunnel and place 2 traps - one facing each direction - inside. Next you push an irrigation flag into the ground to mark the location and secure the trap - just in case. Lastly you cover the hole back up and wait.
A Macabee Gopher trap is a nasty device. Imagine those jaw-like bear traps you see in cartoons. Th ones where you pry the jaws open and then when you sniff around on the ground trying to find Bugs Bunny, the jaw slams shut on your nose. Well this is like that - but miniature. Instead of jaws of teeth, you have a couple of sharpened spikes that pierce the chest cavity of the gopher.
The morning after I set the trap. I went out to check it. To my surprise, I found one tripped trap four feet from the hole on the surface of the ground with the irrigation flag still connected to it. The hole where it had been set was now completely packed closed by the gopher. I had thoughts of the Cadyshack gopher laughing at me as I pondered the need of C-4 to finish this guy off.
All I could do was wait for a new mound to appear and try the process all over again.
Nature: win Me: lose
But more than 2 weeks has passed and no new mounds. On closer inspection of the trap, I found some fur on the spikes, so the trap must have got him to some degree. i figure either he died back in his hole, or I scared him off.
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
The next thing is birds. I like birds. Not as pets, but I like pretty birds flying around my yard. I like it when there is a nest in my tree. The kids like that too. I thought it would be fun if we encouraged the birds, so we built a birdhouse and put it on our tree in the back yard. We also bought a hummingbird feeder.
Months have gone by and no bird is interested in our birdhouse or bird feeder.
I walked out the front door this week to go to work, and noticed a dozen beautiful birds flitting around near our entrance. They were chirping pretty songs as they flew up under the eaves then out again. I could tell they were building a nest. How exciting! The kids will love this!
Nature: win Me: win
I told Val about it a few days later (the birds were there every time I went outside), because she uses the garage rather than the front door. I took her out to see the birds and the nests. To my surprise, the nest wasn't your regular, round, made-out-of-grass, nest. It was made of mud.
No big deal. It is hidden up under the eaves, so you can't see it. And the birds are really neat to watch and listen too. We left for our camping trip for a couple of days. When we came home, we were greeted by not one nest, but six. And the beginnings of new nests all along the eaves in front of the garage.
Nature: win Me: lose (revised)
I did some internetting again to find that the birds are cliff swallows. Some more digging turned up that they are migratory birds and therefore, protected. It is illegal to knock down their nests once they are built - until they fly south for the winter. The best we can doo is be vigilant about instantly cleaning off the first bits of mud to prevent new nests from forming.
Nature: win x 2 Me: lose (revised again)
Most recently we went camping. What a trip. You can read more about the trip at our family blog, but I want to highlight a couple of things.
Fire.
It's easy to light a fire. Accidental fires happen all the time. We were planning on having a camp fire, so when we had our tree removed (a fruitless mulberry), we asked to keep a couple of logs for firewood. He left us 3 half-logs that were about a foot in radius and 18" tall. I had to cut into firewood sized pieces. I let the logs dry for about a month and then I used my tiny electric chainsaw - meant for cutting limbs no larger than 4" diameter. After an hour I cut most of it apart - and completely dulled my blade.
We packed the firewood (and a couple of scrap 2x4s for kindling) and headed off on our trip. At camp, I struggled for a hour to light the fire. The newspaper burned, the 2x4s burned, I burned my hand, but the firewood wouldn't burn.
Nature: win Me: lose
Good thing we also brought some charcoal and a charcoal chimney. I set that up and within minutes had some nice coals going. I dumped them into the fire and and the persistent heat finally caught the firewood on fire - kind of. It really just smoldered without flames, but the shape made for a great oven and we were able to cook our foil dinners.
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
The next night. I tried to start the fire again. After some struggle, I gave up.
Nature: win Me: forfeit (revised again)
The last thing is a hammock. Joe gave me a hammock when he came home from his mission. I take it camping every time I go. At our site, I just needed to find 2 suitable trees.
Nature: win Me: lose
This wouldn't do. If only I could find some bigger trees.
Hah! I got it!
Next time I camp in a redwood forest, i need to remember to bring a lot more rope!
Nature: lose Me: win (revised)
Final Score:
Nature: 3 Me: 2
But it ain't over yet!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
New Moon
Beware. There are spoilers in this, so don't read it if you to want it to be spoiled!
I saw "New Moon" last night on blue ray. I decided to summarize it for anyone who might be curious, but unwilling to spend time watching it. My commentary is under the image.
To avoid to much ranting, I will say only this:
Why would you want your main character to be so unappealing!? I'm not talking about Kirsten Stewart, I'm talking about Bella. She hates herself, wines, cries, and acts crazy. There is NOTHING appealing about her. I read all 4 books and prayed through 3 1/2 of them that Edward (or any other vampire or werewolf for that matter), would just eat her. I did, I admit, like Bella after she died. Finally she was appealing and so was the story.
I saw "New Moon" last night on blue ray. I decided to summarize it for anyone who might be curious, but unwilling to spend time watching it. My commentary is under the image.
To avoid to much ranting, I will say only this:
Why would you want your main character to be so unappealing!? I'm not talking about Kirsten Stewart, I'm talking about Bella. She hates herself, wines, cries, and acts crazy. There is NOTHING appealing about her. I read all 4 books and prayed through 3 1/2 of them that Edward (or any other vampire or werewolf for that matter), would just eat her. I did, I admit, like Bella after she died. Finally she was appealing and so was the story.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A buncha projects.
Yesterday, I ate a (couple) Maple Glazed Bacon Apple Donuts.
HEAVEN!!!
I haven't posted for awhile, but I've been busy. Here are a few projects I've tackled recently.
First, we bought an HDTV in February. I wanted one because IT'S AN HDTV! Val wanted one because she thought that if we could hang it on the wall, it would free up a bunch of space in the living room. Our old TV was in a giant armoire that took up a lot of space.
When we got the new TV, I immediately hung it on the wall. It totally opened up the room - tons of space now. Except there was a problem. Where do we put or Tivo, Dvd player, Playstation3, Surround sound receiver, subwoofer,& Wii? Temporarily, while were were deciding on a solution, we moved our console table under the TV to hold things.
After a few days, Val got used to the idea of having a small shelf-like thing under the TV - as long as it didn't stick out too far into the room - and as long as it was wood and NOT glass. I looked online and saw some cool shelves, but they were almost always glass. Also, whether they were glass or wood, they were over $200 - way more than we wanted to spend.
So I designed and built my own. The requirements were these:
It should be as small as possible.
It should be wood.
It should prevent overheating.
That last point is important. Most cabinet-type entertainment centers have nice wooden shelves, but don't leave room for the heat to move or escape. Excess heat destroys electronic equipment. I've had a number of DVD players die because of overheating, and video game systems run very hot and their built-in fans get very loud as they try to cool themselves.
After taking a bunch of measurements I set to work. I already had most of a sheet of 1/2" MDF left over from making some utility shelves in the laundry nook. I would have preferred 5/8", but what's 1/8", right?
So I cut all the pieces. I had calculated the optimal shelf heights, so rather than making it with adjustable shelves, I decided to make them fixed. I got to use my new router for this. I made dados for the first time! Awesome!
I did a few things to help control the heat; First was optimally placed shelves, second, I left a space behind the shelves to create a chimney for the hot air, and third I installed a fan.
The fan I used is just an old computer fan. They run on 12v DC, so I scavenged an old 12vDC converter and wired them together. Then I cut a circle (almost) on one side wall, near the top. Next I traced the fan on the inside and, using my router, shaved out a 1/4" to inset the fan.
You can see how the shelves don't come all the way flush against (what will be) the back wall. This lets all the hot air move up the back to get blown out by the fan.
To help minimize the cable mess, I installed a powerstrip inside one wall. Now all the power cords remain inside the cabinet and just a single power cord goes out to the wall. Through the small hole at the bottom. The bigger hole is for all the connector cables to use.
So with that done, the next problem is the ugly cables connecting everything to the TV. I wanted to put them in the wall, but I wanted a solution that made it easy to add/remove new cables, but also looked nice. I worked up a plan to install a pvc (ABS actually) pipe in the wall to send the cables through.
First off, I had to install an electric plug behind the TV for it to plug into. I just piggy-backed off of a plug near the floor and extended it up.
Now it's time to tackle the pvc set-up. Here are the parts I used. 2 deep electrical boxes, a 2' length of 2" PVC, and a couple of ends that had a screw ring on them. I started by cutting a hole in the side of each electrical box. Then I slid the threaded end through the hole and screwed on the ring.
Next, I had to cut a HUGE hole in the wall in order to slide the pipe in.
Then I just had to patch up the holes (Thank goodness for textured walls!). I used a couple of solid plate covers and cut large holes in them to cover the boxes.
After a little paint on the wall - TADA! The finished product!
- Well almost finished. I've decided to add a small trim around the front edges and Val has plans to paint it, but outher than that - TADA!
In other news, I have been growing my hair out since Zoey was born (July) - just for fun.
Finally I decided to get a hair cut - just for fun.
One of those pictures is actually me upsidedown which is why the red face.
Val wouldn't let me keep that so I got my hair all-the-way cut.
In other other news. I designed and built my own workbench for the garage. I also hung a pegboard on the wall to hold my tools. I built the workbench to be a height that would help out with my table saw. The top is 2 pieces of 3/4" mdf for a total of 1 1/2" of sturdiness. The legs and frame are made of 2x4s. In all, this cost me around $50 to build - Chaaa--eeep! All the kids - except Zoey, of course, helped me build it. They each drilled some holes and screwed some screws.
My garage is starting to feel like a real garage!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It's a long distance call to my nextdoor neighbor.
I've lived in California for 2 1/2 years now and still haven't updated my cellphone number (or is it 'cell phonenumber', or maybe 'cell phone number'?).
My argument has always been that there are several people in the world that I know through school, etc who have my UT number and occasionally call me. It would be a pain to make sure everyone would get my new number and I'm sure I would forget someone.
Anyway, the last 6 months or so I have been getting a lot of wrong number calls from Utah. By 'a lot', I mean like one or two a week. It's usually teenagers (or maybe collage-age kids) looking for Tiffany. They seem to be genuine mistakes rather than ongoing prank calls, because once I say something like "This isn't Tiffany's phone", they simply reply:
"Uh... Sorry wrong number" and hang up.
My guess is either that Tiffany has a number similar to mine and has terrible penmanship so people misread her number (or possibly she quotes it wrong - I always find myself dylexifying the 6 and 7), or mine is a random number Tiffany gives as her own to people who she really doesn't want to hear from again.
What ever the reason, I've decided to start having fun with it.
This weekend I got a text from a UT number I didn't recognize. I could have ignored it, but I couldn't resist. Here's how the conversation went:
THEM: "Whats up?"
ME: "They found us out"
THEM: "What?"
ME: "I'm serious! U know what I mean!"
At this point they called me. I let it go to voice mail so they found out that they had a wrong number. Immediately afterward they texted back.
THEM: "Think u have a wrong number"
ME: "U texted me first. U must have a wrong number"
THEM: "Ya I do. But thats funny u sound like ur in trouble"
ME: "Ya, don't tell anyone k?"
THEM: "Uh dont even know you dude"
That was last I heard from them but a couple of hours later I got another text from a different number. I assume it was the first texter's friend texting me after hearing about the previous conversation.
THEM: "I Think they are on to us. What should we do?"
ME: "The chip is enroute. Stay away from the lab." - at this point It occured to me that if the government were secretly spying on text messages, this would look kinda suspicious. So to avoid any unnecessary homeland security involvement, I ended the message with "Beware the wildabeests."
THEM: "You are @%?! crazy"
That was the end of that.
This morning, however, I got a call from a completely different UT number. I answered the phone:
"Utah County Coroner's Office."
To which the caller replied: "Uh... Sorry wrong number" and hung up.
Way more satisfying!
So until (and if) I finally make the effort to change my phone number, if you call or text me and get an unusual response. I appologize. You apparently aren't important enough to be programed into my phone and therefore appear to be one of Tiffany's friends. Might I suggest contacting me via facebook (if I haven't "ignored" you there), maybe email. Or even via my blog.
On another note. Check out this link. If you type in your zipcode it will tell you which Star Wars planet your current weather most resembles.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
An Essay on the Amazing
I've been reading a book called Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke. It's a story set in Georgian England (think Jane Austen) about a couple of magicians trying to bring magic back to England. Not prestidigitation magic like Houdini or David Blaine, but real magic like Merlin or Harry Potter. Early on in the book one of the magicians is asked to perform a feat of magic. When he does, the witnesses are amazed at what they see. I, on the other hand, was less than amazed.
The reason I bring this up is that I've been thinking about how common amazing things seem to us now days. With the constant advancement of visual effects, we routinely see things that previously could have only been imagined. The result is that, to be impressed, we need to see something even more amazing than before. We become accustomed to Hollywood explosions, spaceships, and magic. I've tried to imagine how I would feel if I witnessed, in real life, the amazing feat of magic from the book. I think I would be initially impressed, but then would quickly bore of it. I have begun to wonder if I will ever be truly amazed again. I am, we are, desensitized to the “amazing”. Now, desensitization is usually a bad thing, and “amazement” desensitization has some negative aspects too; You can't help but to be disappointed when you see the Space Shuttle's replacement, the Ares & Orion Constellation space craft.
Reality just doesn't meet our higher expectations. But I believe our desensitization actually pushes us to constantly raise the bar of “amazing”. That means we end up advancing our technology and probing deeper into our imaginations to bring it to life.
I obviously have a special interest in, and love for, movies and their visual effects, but I think that if you think about it, even you, can think of something from a movie, or a movie itself that amazed you enough to put a little tick mark in your life, marking that as a standard by which to compare all things “amazing”.
Think about it. Go ahead. Think of any movie that you remember having ground breaking effects. For me, I think of the water tentacle in The Abyss. That was the first time I had seen something like that that didn't look like a puppet or some had drawn animation.
Next I think of the liquid-metal guy from Terminator 2. Both movies were visual effects benchmarks.
Then came Jurassic Park. That movie raised the bar to the stratosphere. Here we had realistic dinosaurs. They had realistic flesh, movement and weight. No longer were dinosaurs to be portrayed by jerky stop-motion puppets. If it could be done with dinosaurs, why not everything else. We were convinced that computers could do anything in movies. We all began to wonder how long it would be until live actors were replaced by computer generated characters.
Since then, visual effects have continued to get more and more realistic, more and more amazing. There continues to be films that mark the memory as having amazing effects; The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc. But we haven't seen anything raise the bar to the extent Jurassic Park did – until now.
Before I go into that, I want to take a couple of quick tangents. First, a bit of history of our amazement, followed by a bit of science of what amazes us.
Film has been around for over a hundred years. Animation was there almost from the beginning. One early benchmark of “amazing” was Winsor McCay's Gertie the Dinosaur.
Watch the film here if you want. It's about 6 minutes long.
This was hand drawn animation in black and white. It was the first combination of live action and animation. It was so amazing that the audiences thought it was real! Can you believe it!? They were convinced Gertie was a real life dinosaur. I often wonder how the people could be so stupid as to think that Gertie were real. That was 1914, skip ahead to 1993 and compare Jurassic Park, and now I begin to understand.
The people of 1914 were reacting based on the experiences they had had in their lives. They had seen other silent films staring real humans, but even then, they were in black an white and didn't really move the way we do in real life. They knew those were actors and bought into the illusion film presented, filing silent films in the “Acceptably real” category of their mind. Now they see Gertie, also black and white, not quite moving right, and staring with a real actor, and it fits neatly into the same “Acceptably real” category.
In 1993, our experiences had already added color and sound to film. Practical special effects (latex monsters and miniatures) were standard. They didn't always move right, or the lighting was a little off, but despite all that, we filed them in our “Acceptably real” category. Now comes Jurassic Park with digital visual effects. The dinosaurs seemed to move as realistically as the human actors. The lighting was correct enough that they seemed to actually exist in the world of the movie. Suddenly our “Acceptably real” category emptied itself to make room for the new reality. The category began to fill up again as movies continued to reach or surpass the standard set by Jurassic Park.
Now a change in direction. A bit of science. The Uncanny Valley. From Wikipedia:
The uncanny valley hypothesis holds that when robots [and computer generated humans] look and act almost like actual humans, it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.
So basically, humans can be represented in film very crudely, and we accept them as appealing. The closer they get to looking and acting like humans, the more appealing and acceptable they become. Eventually they get to a point where they are very close to real humans, but rather than finding them appealing and believable, they are ugly, lifeless and revolting. What happens is that initially, with the less than perfect human representations, they are far enough from reality that our subconscious minds overlook the shortcomings, chalking them up to the fact that they are really not real. Some good examples are the characters in The Incredibles. Their proportions are characterized enough that they couldn't be real, but we never question that they are supposed to be humans, and we feel comfortable sympathizing and empathizing with them. We accept them as people.
As you get closer to reality, like the characters in The Polar Express, or Beowulf, where the characters look very much like humans, and seem to move like humans, you reach the deep uncanny valley. Suddenly your subconscious mind can't see and obvious signs that these aren't supposed to be real, so it no longer overlooks any shortcomings. On the contrary, it goes into defensive mode, constantly alerting you that something isn't right – someone is trying to deceive you – warning, these humans are not to be trusted! They are not what they appear! It's extremely difficult to name what it is exactly that sets off the alarms, and that much more difficult for the artists to overcome. The audience can only identify that the characters creeped them out, or seemed to be zombies. As visual effects go, we have reached the edge of the uncanny valley, and some are falling in.
On the other side of the uncanny valley, you have humans characters so real that we fully accept them as real. It's never been crossed.
Ok. Now back to my original line of thought, visual effects benchmarks. The bar has been significantly raised, a new historical benchmark set. And I was completely caught off guard. The movie is Avatar.
Going into the film, my expectations were low. There was so much hype for this film that I knew it could never live up to it. I had heard that they used motion capture for the animation. That is the process where they put the actor into a full bodysuit covered with dots or ping-pong balls. They record the motion of each dot then plug it into the computer generated character, thereby recreating the actual movements of the real actor.
It's the technology used on the Polar Express, Beowulf, and the new Christmas Carol. So basically it's the technology that pushes you into the uncanny valley. I expected to be offended by $500 million zombies. I had seen the trailers, and thought the characters were ridiculous. They were supposed to be “real”, but they looked like cartoons. It looked to me like this was an animated film, not a live action film with visual effects. The characters were lanky blue cat people with giant eyes.
I was so wrong.
I kept trying to pick out the negative things in the execution of the animation. I kept looking for the zombies. After 30 minutes, I gave up. I was completely awed by the detail and depth of Pandora. The Na'vi people were odd at first, but within minutes, I completely bought in. They moved so completely realistically, that I found myself fighting with the notion that these are really actors in make-up, not computer generated characters. Their skin had pores, and you could feel the slight translucency, the depth of the tissue, the life in the cells. The facial expressions were completely convincing.
It's difficult to point out how beautiful it all was. One thing I can say is that by the end of the film, anytime the humans were on screen next to the Na'vi, It was the humans that I found disappointing. I almost didn't believe in their reality.
Did it cross the uncanny valley? I don't know. Probably not. It's definitely not in the uncanny valley. I mean the characters really are lanky blue cat people, so our subconscious mind surely is overlooking things. All I know is that when the film was over, I felt a little depressed when my practical mind broke the news that, as cool as it looked, the Na'vi were not real. I was actually disappointed by that fact, as irrational as it is. So it may not have crossed the uncanny valley, but it sure felt like it.
Since I'm talking about the movie, I may as well address a criticism I have heard about it. That is that the story is weak, simple, familiar. That it is just “Dances With Wolves” in space. Well, yes it is just Dances With Wolves, but last I checked, that was a good movie. A good story. Sure it's simple, but it's not weak. And it is familiar, even Pixar's “Cars”, is just Dances With Wolves on four wheels. By choosing a story that is already established as a good one, James Cameron could focus on all the visual effects while being comfortable that the story was sound. Most big effects films focus on the effects try to force some story elements in between.
Avatar is without a doubt, the most visually amazing film I have ever seen. I mean, It forced me to write all this down. And even more, it convinced me that I can still be amazed.
The reason I bring this up is that I've been thinking about how common amazing things seem to us now days. With the constant advancement of visual effects, we routinely see things that previously could have only been imagined. The result is that, to be impressed, we need to see something even more amazing than before. We become accustomed to Hollywood explosions, spaceships, and magic. I've tried to imagine how I would feel if I witnessed, in real life, the amazing feat of magic from the book. I think I would be initially impressed, but then would quickly bore of it. I have begun to wonder if I will ever be truly amazed again. I am, we are, desensitized to the “amazing”. Now, desensitization is usually a bad thing, and “amazement” desensitization has some negative aspects too; You can't help but to be disappointed when you see the Space Shuttle's replacement, the Ares & Orion Constellation space craft.
Reality just doesn't meet our higher expectations. But I believe our desensitization actually pushes us to constantly raise the bar of “amazing”. That means we end up advancing our technology and probing deeper into our imaginations to bring it to life.
I obviously have a special interest in, and love for, movies and their visual effects, but I think that if you think about it, even you, can think of something from a movie, or a movie itself that amazed you enough to put a little tick mark in your life, marking that as a standard by which to compare all things “amazing”.
Think about it. Go ahead. Think of any movie that you remember having ground breaking effects. For me, I think of the water tentacle in The Abyss. That was the first time I had seen something like that that didn't look like a puppet or some had drawn animation.
Next I think of the liquid-metal guy from Terminator 2. Both movies were visual effects benchmarks.
Then came Jurassic Park. That movie raised the bar to the stratosphere. Here we had realistic dinosaurs. They had realistic flesh, movement and weight. No longer were dinosaurs to be portrayed by jerky stop-motion puppets. If it could be done with dinosaurs, why not everything else. We were convinced that computers could do anything in movies. We all began to wonder how long it would be until live actors were replaced by computer generated characters.
Since then, visual effects have continued to get more and more realistic, more and more amazing. There continues to be films that mark the memory as having amazing effects; The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc. But we haven't seen anything raise the bar to the extent Jurassic Park did – until now.
Before I go into that, I want to take a couple of quick tangents. First, a bit of history of our amazement, followed by a bit of science of what amazes us.
Film has been around for over a hundred years. Animation was there almost from the beginning. One early benchmark of “amazing” was Winsor McCay's Gertie the Dinosaur.
Watch the film here if you want. It's about 6 minutes long.
This was hand drawn animation in black and white. It was the first combination of live action and animation. It was so amazing that the audiences thought it was real! Can you believe it!? They were convinced Gertie was a real life dinosaur. I often wonder how the people could be so stupid as to think that Gertie were real. That was 1914, skip ahead to 1993 and compare Jurassic Park, and now I begin to understand.
The people of 1914 were reacting based on the experiences they had had in their lives. They had seen other silent films staring real humans, but even then, they were in black an white and didn't really move the way we do in real life. They knew those were actors and bought into the illusion film presented, filing silent films in the “Acceptably real” category of their mind. Now they see Gertie, also black and white, not quite moving right, and staring with a real actor, and it fits neatly into the same “Acceptably real” category.
In 1993, our experiences had already added color and sound to film. Practical special effects (latex monsters and miniatures) were standard. They didn't always move right, or the lighting was a little off, but despite all that, we filed them in our “Acceptably real” category. Now comes Jurassic Park with digital visual effects. The dinosaurs seemed to move as realistically as the human actors. The lighting was correct enough that they seemed to actually exist in the world of the movie. Suddenly our “Acceptably real” category emptied itself to make room for the new reality. The category began to fill up again as movies continued to reach or surpass the standard set by Jurassic Park.
Now a change in direction. A bit of science. The Uncanny Valley. From Wikipedia:
The uncanny valley hypothesis holds that when robots [and computer generated humans] look and act almost like actual humans, it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.
So basically, humans can be represented in film very crudely, and we accept them as appealing. The closer they get to looking and acting like humans, the more appealing and acceptable they become. Eventually they get to a point where they are very close to real humans, but rather than finding them appealing and believable, they are ugly, lifeless and revolting. What happens is that initially, with the less than perfect human representations, they are far enough from reality that our subconscious minds overlook the shortcomings, chalking them up to the fact that they are really not real. Some good examples are the characters in The Incredibles. Their proportions are characterized enough that they couldn't be real, but we never question that they are supposed to be humans, and we feel comfortable sympathizing and empathizing with them. We accept them as people.
As you get closer to reality, like the characters in The Polar Express, or Beowulf, where the characters look very much like humans, and seem to move like humans, you reach the deep uncanny valley. Suddenly your subconscious mind can't see and obvious signs that these aren't supposed to be real, so it no longer overlooks any shortcomings. On the contrary, it goes into defensive mode, constantly alerting you that something isn't right – someone is trying to deceive you – warning, these humans are not to be trusted! They are not what they appear! It's extremely difficult to name what it is exactly that sets off the alarms, and that much more difficult for the artists to overcome. The audience can only identify that the characters creeped them out, or seemed to be zombies. As visual effects go, we have reached the edge of the uncanny valley, and some are falling in.
On the other side of the uncanny valley, you have humans characters so real that we fully accept them as real. It's never been crossed.
Ok. Now back to my original line of thought, visual effects benchmarks. The bar has been significantly raised, a new historical benchmark set. And I was completely caught off guard. The movie is Avatar.
Going into the film, my expectations were low. There was so much hype for this film that I knew it could never live up to it. I had heard that they used motion capture for the animation. That is the process where they put the actor into a full bodysuit covered with dots or ping-pong balls. They record the motion of each dot then plug it into the computer generated character, thereby recreating the actual movements of the real actor.
It's the technology used on the Polar Express, Beowulf, and the new Christmas Carol. So basically it's the technology that pushes you into the uncanny valley. I expected to be offended by $500 million zombies. I had seen the trailers, and thought the characters were ridiculous. They were supposed to be “real”, but they looked like cartoons. It looked to me like this was an animated film, not a live action film with visual effects. The characters were lanky blue cat people with giant eyes.
I was so wrong.
I kept trying to pick out the negative things in the execution of the animation. I kept looking for the zombies. After 30 minutes, I gave up. I was completely awed by the detail and depth of Pandora. The Na'vi people were odd at first, but within minutes, I completely bought in. They moved so completely realistically, that I found myself fighting with the notion that these are really actors in make-up, not computer generated characters. Their skin had pores, and you could feel the slight translucency, the depth of the tissue, the life in the cells. The facial expressions were completely convincing.
It's difficult to point out how beautiful it all was. One thing I can say is that by the end of the film, anytime the humans were on screen next to the Na'vi, It was the humans that I found disappointing. I almost didn't believe in their reality.
Did it cross the uncanny valley? I don't know. Probably not. It's definitely not in the uncanny valley. I mean the characters really are lanky blue cat people, so our subconscious mind surely is overlooking things. All I know is that when the film was over, I felt a little depressed when my practical mind broke the news that, as cool as it looked, the Na'vi were not real. I was actually disappointed by that fact, as irrational as it is. So it may not have crossed the uncanny valley, but it sure felt like it.
Since I'm talking about the movie, I may as well address a criticism I have heard about it. That is that the story is weak, simple, familiar. That it is just “Dances With Wolves” in space. Well, yes it is just Dances With Wolves, but last I checked, that was a good movie. A good story. Sure it's simple, but it's not weak. And it is familiar, even Pixar's “Cars”, is just Dances With Wolves on four wheels. By choosing a story that is already established as a good one, James Cameron could focus on all the visual effects while being comfortable that the story was sound. Most big effects films focus on the effects try to force some story elements in between.
Avatar is without a doubt, the most visually amazing film I have ever seen. I mean, It forced me to write all this down. And even more, it convinced me that I can still be amazed.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A Different Perspective
It's funny how your perspective can change under different circumstances. I used to be pretty hard on my kids for being wild. They would run, jump, whoop and holler, and I would yell at them and tell them to calm down.
Now we own our own home which doesn't share a wall, floor or ceiling with any other resident. After making the kids tiptoe around the house and making them go outside if they had to burp, sneeze, swallow, breathe, or do anything else in the past year that would make a sound louder than 1 decibel (so as not to prompt a visit from our grumpy neighbor), Val and I decided to let the kids be wild for a week to get it out. I figured they would be extremely annoying while Val and I patiently counted down the passing of the week. It happened a little differently than expected.
They have been wild. They have competitions to see who can scream the loudest. They climb everything in and outside the house and jump off it. They never ever walk - ever. They run full speed everywhere. This was all expected. What wasn't was how much fun I've had watching them finally get to be kids. The other day I was working in the yard and Mia was riding her scooter around our driveway. I told her she could go ahead and ride in the street if she wanted (remember we live in a cul-de-sac). She looked at me like I was crazy and didn't know weather or not I was teasing her. I told her it was really fine, but she should just watch for neighbors who might drive out of their driveway. Her eyes got as big as softballs and she let out a siren-pitched scream that rattled my bones. She scooted down the driveway and all the way across the court to to the other side then immediately back and then back again, siren scream never stopping except to add a few "ho hos" and "hee hees". She was in heaven. Soon she figured the scooter was too slow so she pushed it off on it's own back up the drive way and began runnung back and forth. Xander came out all excited (because he seems to be the only one who can tell the difference between Mia's screams of joy and screams of anger without seeing her face) The two of them ran back and forth and around the circular sidewalk.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun they were having.
Another time, I came in the house and found CJ and Xander on the floor beside each other and Mia on the couch jumping over them. The second she landed, one of them would get up and trade places and have their turn. I told them to stop it right now! I explained that they could really hurt someone if they didn't jump far enough. Mia made a comment about how she is good at jumping and already knows she can jump far enough. I agreed and encouraged them to see how far they could jump from the couch without someone under them. So they did.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun they were having.
Just before we mowed it, Mia's job was to rake the leaves in the backyard. She was so excited. She grabbed the rake and raked a pile about two feet square and about 5 leaves high. Then she dropped the rake and JUMPED onto the pile yelling woo hoo! I thought it was hilarious that she was so excited because she knew she could make a pile of leaves to jump into. I helped her scoop the small pile into the trash can and she raked a new pile to jump into before throwing those away as well. She did it over and over.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun she was having.
Growing up, I hated mowing the lawn. I also used to be amazed at how my dad would spend hours on Saturday doing yard work. I was not looking forward to the day I would have to be responsible and take care of my own yard. I have my own yard now. It has a lawn and bushes and two big trees. I bought my first lawn mower. It looks like a hot rod! It red and has a sleek modern shape. I started it up and only had to pull the rope one time! I kinda couldn't wait for Saturday so I could mow the lawn. CJ thought it was pretty cool too. She said "Hey, how about you let me mow the lawn and you could pay me like a dollar or something"
Deal!
Now before I go on, I should explain that it crossed my mind that I'm probably ripping my own daughter off by paying her a dollar for this work. Then it occurred to me that right now the work is worth a dollar to her. Eventually it won't be enough so I can raise it up to five (probably two to start)and she'll be re-motivated. No use in jumping to far ahead in the payment plan yet.
So I taught her about how to mow the lawn. I had her go around the whole yard looking for sticks and rocks. Then I explained some safety stuff and started it up. I pushed it around the perimeter, pointing out sprinkler heads and high spots to watch out for. After a full circle, I figured it wouldn't hurt to take her around one more time before I let her try on her own. I was having fun taking care of my own lawn. Then we came to a tree and I showed her how to get around it. Now it was her turn. She took over and pushed it down two stripes. I asked if it would be ok if I went ahead and finished this part because it got tight in one corner. So I finished that off. I let her mow another stripe then took over again and asked if she would feel bad if I just finished the back lawn. She let me.
She sat back and laughed at how much fun I was having.
Easiest dollar she ever earned.
When we moved to the front. I once again did the perimeter, but then handed it over to her to finish (It took her about five minutes to be done). Mia was out watching us. I asked her if she would sweep the grass cuttings from the sidewalk back onto the grass. I offered to show her how, but she insisted she already knew. And did she ever.
Now you get to sit back and laugh at how much fun she was having.
So it turns out that I love that my kids get the freedom to be kids now. It makes me happier and way more patient. I also like to tke care of my own house. Huh. Who would have guessed?
Now we own our own home which doesn't share a wall, floor or ceiling with any other resident. After making the kids tiptoe around the house and making them go outside if they had to burp, sneeze, swallow, breathe, or do anything else in the past year that would make a sound louder than 1 decibel (so as not to prompt a visit from our grumpy neighbor), Val and I decided to let the kids be wild for a week to get it out. I figured they would be extremely annoying while Val and I patiently counted down the passing of the week. It happened a little differently than expected.
They have been wild. They have competitions to see who can scream the loudest. They climb everything in and outside the house and jump off it. They never ever walk - ever. They run full speed everywhere. This was all expected. What wasn't was how much fun I've had watching them finally get to be kids. The other day I was working in the yard and Mia was riding her scooter around our driveway. I told her she could go ahead and ride in the street if she wanted (remember we live in a cul-de-sac). She looked at me like I was crazy and didn't know weather or not I was teasing her. I told her it was really fine, but she should just watch for neighbors who might drive out of their driveway. Her eyes got as big as softballs and she let out a siren-pitched scream that rattled my bones. She scooted down the driveway and all the way across the court to to the other side then immediately back and then back again, siren scream never stopping except to add a few "ho hos" and "hee hees". She was in heaven. Soon she figured the scooter was too slow so she pushed it off on it's own back up the drive way and began runnung back and forth. Xander came out all excited (because he seems to be the only one who can tell the difference between Mia's screams of joy and screams of anger without seeing her face) The two of them ran back and forth and around the circular sidewalk.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun they were having.
Another time, I came in the house and found CJ and Xander on the floor beside each other and Mia on the couch jumping over them. The second she landed, one of them would get up and trade places and have their turn. I told them to stop it right now! I explained that they could really hurt someone if they didn't jump far enough. Mia made a comment about how she is good at jumping and already knows she can jump far enough. I agreed and encouraged them to see how far they could jump from the couch without someone under them. So they did.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun they were having.
Just before we mowed it, Mia's job was to rake the leaves in the backyard. She was so excited. She grabbed the rake and raked a pile about two feet square and about 5 leaves high. Then she dropped the rake and JUMPED onto the pile yelling woo hoo! I thought it was hilarious that she was so excited because she knew she could make a pile of leaves to jump into. I helped her scoop the small pile into the trash can and she raked a new pile to jump into before throwing those away as well. She did it over and over.
I just sat back and laughed at how much fun she was having.
Growing up, I hated mowing the lawn. I also used to be amazed at how my dad would spend hours on Saturday doing yard work. I was not looking forward to the day I would have to be responsible and take care of my own yard. I have my own yard now. It has a lawn and bushes and two big trees. I bought my first lawn mower. It looks like a hot rod! It red and has a sleek modern shape. I started it up and only had to pull the rope one time! I kinda couldn't wait for Saturday so I could mow the lawn. CJ thought it was pretty cool too. She said "Hey, how about you let me mow the lawn and you could pay me like a dollar or something"
Deal!
Now before I go on, I should explain that it crossed my mind that I'm probably ripping my own daughter off by paying her a dollar for this work. Then it occurred to me that right now the work is worth a dollar to her. Eventually it won't be enough so I can raise it up to five (probably two to start)and she'll be re-motivated. No use in jumping to far ahead in the payment plan yet.
So I taught her about how to mow the lawn. I had her go around the whole yard looking for sticks and rocks. Then I explained some safety stuff and started it up. I pushed it around the perimeter, pointing out sprinkler heads and high spots to watch out for. After a full circle, I figured it wouldn't hurt to take her around one more time before I let her try on her own. I was having fun taking care of my own lawn. Then we came to a tree and I showed her how to get around it. Now it was her turn. She took over and pushed it down two stripes. I asked if it would be ok if I went ahead and finished this part because it got tight in one corner. So I finished that off. I let her mow another stripe then took over again and asked if she would feel bad if I just finished the back lawn. She let me.
She sat back and laughed at how much fun I was having.
Easiest dollar she ever earned.
When we moved to the front. I once again did the perimeter, but then handed it over to her to finish (It took her about five minutes to be done). Mia was out watching us. I asked her if she would sweep the grass cuttings from the sidewalk back onto the grass. I offered to show her how, but she insisted she already knew. And did she ever.
Now you get to sit back and laugh at how much fun she was having.
So it turns out that I love that my kids get the freedom to be kids now. It makes me happier and way more patient. I also like to tke care of my own house. Huh. Who would have guessed?
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